Avn Awards 2005

IN 2005 AVN will hold its annual expo! From January 6-9, we at Pirate Booty will be hitching a ride with the adult industry. We will be reporting on all the latest news, winners, and trends; rest assured we'll snap pictures that will inspire and entice you. What other Expo has Official Rules of Conduct?

As show organizers, we are required to follow the laws of the state of Nevada and Las Vegas as they relate to adult content.

The rules of live conduct are as follows:

- No exposure of genitalia or breasts
- No sexual contact or behavior, including, but not limited to penetration of any kind, simulated sex of any kind, fondling of breasts (whether or not covered)
- No ejaculation, body fluids

Although we were a little sad to read that no exposure of any genitalia or breasts are allowed, we will still seek out the best booty for you. It is the only adult-oriented trade show to capture the excitement and dynamics of the adult industry, encompassing all links in the business chain from manufactures, distributors and retailers to the hottest adult stars and enthusiastic fans!

We will report on the latest in industry developments as well as other companies like us, putting a new face on porn. Although our beautiful babies may not resemble the sea of bleached blond Barbie dolls we know they will turn heads. You can look for us under the Jolly Roger hoisted proudly aside our girls wrapped in fishnets and corsets. Come out and say hello, bring us booze, have fun, and get crazy!!! Just be sure to keep it in your pants; at least when youre at the convention. Any requests, comments, or ideas for the show let us know! For more information on the convention next month go to www.avn.com.

  Cattle Call

January 11, Los Angeles. We took the red line downtown and got off at
7th street, wandered aimlessly through the tepid drizzle to Hill
street, had a few beers at a cute little taco stand. Fortified with
Mexican beer, we climbed up to the Bonavenure hotel; a very "Logan's
Run-esque" architectural molloch that survived the 70's. Think of 5
thick rolls of smoked glass lifesavers, clutched in a fist and planted
on the edge of the 110 freeway, 30 stories tall. We took the pedestrian
bridge in and passed by a rail-thin, bottle blonde mother and daughter.
The daughter wore a badge with a four digit number, and rebecca
remarked that we might have stumbled into a stockyard for trophy wives.

Once inside tower one, we crossed a cosway to get to the hotel's liquor
store and passed more skinny girls in the same uniform as the first
sighting: red snakeskin pants, napkin halter top, Britney hair. And
more beer for us. I attempted to postulate some sort of explanation at
this point, as to exactly what kind of ontological maze we had wandered
into. The retro science fiction setting only further pushed my buttons,
feeble little monkey brain reeling through numerous worst case
scenarios. Could this be a convention for for people with "Good" DNA?
Did the hotel's utopian architecture mask spotless white surgical
machines behind the curtains in the lavish convention rooms, poised to
harvest the contents of these tender beauties' ovaries and sell them
to the highest bidder? If so I was determined to have a couple more
beers and then acquaint myself with the machine for the boys,
Read the rest>>

  Overheard from a drunk in a bar:

I think that we could understand each other's positions more here
if we could strip away the rhetoric and start objectively viewing things
by degrees. There are not enough comitted anarcho/commie
people in the u.s. or the world today to start any kind of violent
revolution on a massive scale and if there was, such action would
probably give birth to another "cult of personality", a stalin or tito.
I think that the trick here is to look at the situation for what it
is... an out of control capitalist mindfuck which poisons our bodies
with heterocyclic carcinogens* and hydrogenated soybean oil; poisons
our minds with televangelists and the Koran and Jessica Simpson's
pussylips peeking out from her virginal daisy dukes; poisons the sky
with the exhaust of a million S.U.V's made in china; gobbles up every
remaining inch of nature to build a new suburb.
I'm not saying the world has to embrace Ted Kazinsky and go live in a
cave and eat raw moss, but come on motherfuckers, back off a little bit
from the capitalism! I like to smoke my cigar, but every once in a
while I take it outta my mouth and rest it in the ashtray for a few
minutes. The rich don't need to be that corpulent, and the poor don't
need to be shit on that much.

( * motherfuckers started with coal tar derivatives, now your house,
furniture, and clothing are all petroleum byproducts.)I worked at a thrift store in Los Angeles a few years ago, high volume donations in exchange for tax deductions. From 9 to 5, everyday, yuppies would bring us nice stuff, piles of it, more than we could sell. Read the rest>>

  Drunk part 3:

DRUNK: "Don't know 'bout you guys, but I've always been fascinated by
space travel. Ever since I was a little kid and I saw "Star Wars" on my
4th birthday. I wanted to grow up to be an astronaut, but as I learned
more, I saw that NASA was an extension of the military-industrial
complex, that the ranks of astronauts were primarily culled from fighter pilots, soldiers, etc. Then this privately funded "SPACESHIPONE" mission goes up... and my pop is jumping up and down, excited, saying "How can you fly an aeroplane up into space, fueled by nitrous oxide, when all these years they told us you had to spend billions of dollars on 30 ton rockets just to move a small payload into orbit?" How, indeed. It was one of the grotesque myths of the last 50 years that you needed to invest in these huge rockets if you were gonna have a space program. They had the technology to do something like "SPACESHIPONE" thirty, maybe forty years ago. But they wanted an excuse to develop and build I.C.B.M's, and you look bad if you tell people "Hey, we're gonna need billions of dollars and a vast beauracracy so we
can kill even MORE people while they simultaneously kill all of us."
Read the rest>>

  Humans is the craziest peoples!

President Bush has announced his plan to select Dr. W. David Hager to
head up the Food and Drug Administration's (FDA) Reproductive Health
Drugs Advisory Committee. The committee has not met for more than two
years, during which time its charter lapsed. As a result, the Bush
Administration is tasked with filling all eleven positions with new
members. This position does not require Congressional approval. The
FDA's Reproductive Health Drugs Advisory Committee makes crucial
decisions on matters relating to drugs used in the practice of
obstetrics, gynecology and related specialties, including hormone therapy, contraception, treatment for infertility, and medical alternatives to surgical procedures for sterilization and pregnancy termination. Dr. Hager, the author of "As Jesus Cared for Women: Restoring Women Then and Now." The book blends biblical accounts of Christ healing Women with case studies from
Hager's practice. His views of reproductive health care are far
outside the mainstream for productive technology. Dr. Hager is a
practicing OB/GYN who describes himself as "pro-life" and refuses
to prescribe contraceptives to unmarried women. Read the rest>>

A drunk in front of McDonald's

DRUNK: "You kids have been forcefed processed quasi-food for so long,
most of you have forgotten what real food is supposed to taste like. In
the 1970's the US department of agriculture perfected the process of
subsidizing high yield soy and corn. Corporations could process the
stuff into hydrogenated soybean oil and high fructose corn syrup, which
could then be sold to big food conglomerates. We ate that shit for
years in fast food and school lunches, and then McDonalds grew
geometrically by exporting these fattening, cheap processed foods all
over the world. This stuff is shit, tastes bad, gives you spots, packed
with cholesterol... It's got the fucking vitreous humour (eyeball
juice) from a cow in it for fuck's sake!!! McDonalds has so much
political clout that they don't have to adhere to human consumption
standards. Just learn how to cook... or eat dog food, it's actually
better for you... I'm laughing too hard at the gallows humour inherent
in this topic... you guys are funner than getting high, god bless you
A PIMPLY KID:"Ummm... how bout the fact that McDonald's spends billions every year on charities like the Ronald McDonald House" DRUNK: "Yeah, and the KKK cleans up roadside litter, wal-mart donates to the Mayo clinic, so fucking what. It's a tax write-off, and it's good public relations, and you fell for it. The tobacco companies are proud sponsors of meals on wheels programs, that doesn't mean smokers are gonna magically stop dying of lung cancer. Seriously, kid, capitalism and it's big corporations have vast armies of lawyers, lobbyists, and PR people who get paid very well to stick up for them every day. If you are not on the payroll, how did you get suckered into defending them? Capitalism isn't gonna crash to the ground just because some drunk in front of a burger joint expressed his disrespect for the system."
Read the rest>>

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